Fiction

Well, there you have it. I hope you’re happy.

I told you you wouldn’t like it.

Could you just pull over?

Who cares if we’re late? Everyone’s already drunk.

Fine.

Well no, that’s all I have to say.

Obviously I don’t expect you to say it back. I wouldn’t have said anything, but you kept pushing it.

It doesn’t change anything. 

Does it really matter since when? Since always. Since that party at Greg’s.

You’re enjoying this, aren’t you.

I don’t know. It was the conversation, you know? Before that night, I always just thought you were some… whoever. A friend of a friend.

But…

Do you remember? We started playing cards. No idea anymore how that started. And we got to talking about… nothing, really. Just… doing that thing, like we do. But that was the first time.

I’d never had that before. I was becoming more and more myself as the minutes went. And by the end I was some massive… like… fucking… Platonic ideal of my own personality.

And you know what?

You only laughed at my good jokes. And you still do. Making you laugh is like– don’t roll your eyes at me, idiot– making you laugh is like my biggest creative accomplishment every single time it happens.

I’m sorry.

It’s just true.

God. I hate that.

And you know what? I mean if we’re gonna do this, let’s do it.

I don’t even like you like at least 30% of the time. I would never want to be your, like, girlfriend or wife or whatever. It’d be hell. You’re a slob. And you never say ‘thank you’. And you’ve never once remembered my birthday, and you get Kelly the worst, most last-minute gifts known to man. I know it’d never work.

It’s just…

You’re gonna think this is stupid, but it’s true, and I’m just gonna say it.

I feel like you’re part of me. On a cellular level or some shit. When you’re around me, when you’re talking to me, whether you’re blowing my mind or saying the most brainless crap on earth, I feel like I’m finally who I am. And when you’re not around me, I feel like… like I’d rather be somewhere else.

Also, sometimes I want to swallow you whole. Your whole body. Like aspirin. I don’t know man.  I think it’s biological.

Jesus, would you look out? That was a red light.

I guess that’s it, anyway. I never thought I’d tell you any of this, much less all of it at once in some bougie-ass neighborhood in… wherever this is.

No, you do not have to tell Kelly. Come on, dude. Why. It doesn’t matter what dumb shit is going on with me. I’m not trying to take you away from her. I’m not trying to do anything. I’m just some chick, like, saying stupid stuff. In a car.

Can’t you just leave me at a gas station. I’ll get an Uber home.

Oh. Damn. That’s the house, right?

Look. Just don’t be weird about it, ok?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Yeah, I’m fine.

Yes, I’m sure.

I’ll be in in a second.

Is Kelly inside?

Ok. Look, just don’t tell her. Not tonight anyway. I’ll get someone else to take me home.

Thanks.

Later.

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Fuck.